So last week was a tough one for me; mulling and thinking through a lot of things. It felt like my brain was on overload.
I'm thinking and mulling and generally trying to sort things out in my mind. I had a fairly busy day, running errands, among other not so day-to-day chores that had to be done so I wasn't really focused on reasoning through anything deep or spiritual. That morning, however, I had woken up with a sharp pain in my chest in the vicinity of my heart. The medical side of me thought I should probably have that checked but the medical side of me also reasoned that it was probably nothing...and I went about my day. The pain was noticeable and consistent though intermittent. I mentioned it to my husband and his immediate response was to pray for healing. I wasn't fully healed but the pain had definitely subsided. As the day went on, the pain was intermittent but it was definitely getting more noticeable and uncomfortable and I was getting to the point of just wanting to accomplish as much as I could handle so that I could lie down and rest for a bit, banking on rest being the key.
I was washing the dishes and the pain was constant now and strong. Nothing was helping, even the worship music I had playing wasn't distraction enough. I have a fairly high pain tolerance but my only thought was, "finish these dishes quick so you can go lie down". Then...(cue dramatic music)...out of nowhere, I hear the words, plain as day, in my head; "you gave up too quick!" Proverbial slap to the face! Pardon me?! "You gave up too quick." What was that supposed to mean?
What it meant is that I did not stop long enough after asking to wait for an answer. I had expected an instant healing (which I strongly believe God does because I've experienced an instant healing) and then get disappointed at God when every healing isn't instant and I actually have to do something like wait. I don't wait well...never have. Sometimes, though, that's what God wants from us.
I went into my living room and ended up on the carpet, on my hands and knees, bawling my eyes out and asking, petitioning for my healing. I've never felt like that before...that urgency, bursting in my soul. Maybe I had a long time ago but it's a feeling that's been forgotten or lost over the years. Then suddenly the tears stop and I feel a peace flood over me and like a huge sigh of relief, and I notice the pain is gone. It was only for a short time but the pain had gone long enough for me to finish the last few things on my list for the day.
Later, the pain kept coming back and I kept declaring that I was healed, in Jesus' name. Back and forth, pain, declaring, pain, declaring...this went on for a while. It was house group night so during worship, one of the songs we sang talked about the character of God; I don't remember the words but it spoke to me strongly about my identity. Again, I was in tears allowing God to heal on my wounded heart...and guess what happened?
I got healed! The pain was gone and it stayed gone for a while. It has tried to come back on various occasions but my response has been to declare my healing and it goes.
It can be hard to persevere for the things you'd like to have and even the things you need or want from God but I can say from experience, it can also be a tough lesson to work through but so worth it in the end. If I can do it, anybody can! I am fiercely stubborn and hold tight to the lies. Now the process becomes becoming that fiercely stubborn about the truth.
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